Friends and fellow citizens,
As we all set off to gather with family and friends for Thanksgiving, the Vanderbilt Project on Unity and American Democracy wants to offer words of wisdom on modeling civil conversations with loved ones. We spoke with Vanderbilt University Senior Lecturer and Director of Debate John Koch about how to talk with family in a constructive and productive way in a polarized time. Below are some points that might help us all enjoy our favorite desserts a little bit more at the end of the evening.
Contentious topics are bound to come up around the dinner table, including politics. The point of political discussions among family and friends is not (or at least should not) "winning." It is unlikely that you are going to get someone to admit they changed their mind over the green bean casserole. The goal instead should be to have a productive discussion where the aim is to genuinely understand each other's perspectives and gain valuable knowledge.
How can we do this?
1. Be respectful. Listen-not to argue, but to understand and to ask more questions.
2. Be open-minded. Respond with openness and an intent to learn and see things in a different way, even if it ultimately does not change your position.
3. Seek common ground and focus on points of agreement, not the points of disagreement. Then, discuss what these points of agreement could mean for politics and policy.
4. Share sources of knowledge, such as news sites, articles, podcasts or documentaries.
One of the problems, if not the central problem, facing our country is "my side" bias-that my side is always right, and the other side is always wrong. For instance, if I am a liberal, and other liberals or Democrats take a position, then it must be right. Therefore, I do not need to read about it or form my own opinion because if "my side" said it, it's also my opinion. Too many citizens live in "my side" echo chambers.
One way to penetrate those echo chambers is to have productive conversations with those who are not on our side-listening and asking questions of them and widening our scope of news sources. Thus, a productive conversation is geared towards opening ourselves up to the other side. One of the major effects of "my side" bias is viewing the other side as an enemy to be defeated, rather than a neighbor or family member from whom there is something to learn. Hopefully, the Thanksgiving table is a place for families and friends to dispel those "us vs. them" views with productive social and political discussions.
But if that is not possible, we need to be willing to disengage. If a conversation is not productive or if someone seems to be arguing solely to sow further discord, pulling back might be the best option. It's okay to recognize when we're not engaged in a productive conversation and we should steer toward common ground.
Mr. Koch has written and been interviewed about the positive potential of debates at the highest level. Read more here and here about ideas that might help your family when it comes a healthy exchange of viewpoints.
Respectfully,
Gray Sasser
Executive Director
The Vanderbilt Project on Unity and American Democracy