After working on small teams in the U.S. Army Special Forces, I learned that good self-care practices are a critical part of being a productive team member. On the team we often pride ourselves on our quiet professionalism and mission focus; It is a competitive environment that channels intense planning, preparation and grit into success. As a former detachment commander was fond of saying: “We are a results-driven organization.”
But meeting the rigorous standards of team life, to attain the results, must begin primarily at the individual level. Although physical health is often at the forefront of people’s perception of special forces soldiers, emotional and psychological health are equal foundations of overall wellbeing. Just like we work to get stronger, faster or perfect a tactical skill, we can also train our minds to be better prepared for future stress.
For me, this aspect of mental health – preparing for and recovering from stress – is part of resilience. I believe that by building resilience we can improve our mental health, our quality of life and our results in high stress environments. Now, as a student in an intense academic program, I am also keenly aware of how resilience is not reserved just for soldiers; it is a human experience. We can all practice building resilience in our lives. Below are some concepts and tools that I have leaned on through the years to help me get through stressful times. I continually try to refine these processes for myself and I encourage you to explore what works for best for you.
- Build healthy relationships. In my mind a healthy relationship includes mutual respect, empathy, support and honesty. It can take time, mutual investment and vulnerability to build, but this kind of human connection provides a strong support network in times of stress. Cultivate healthy relationships with trusted people: family, friends, a spouse, a partner or coworker.
- Get to know yourself. As we learn what motivates us, what frustrates us, what strengths we have and where we are weak, we can begin to assess areas that might need more support. Mindfulness practices, meditation, self-reflection and seeking an outside perspective are all great tools and great places to begin. I have used these tools to better grasp my own thoughts, understand my behaviors, identify unhealthy patterns and stay mission focused.
- Seek out challenges. Life will force challenges on us. Pursuing our own challenges to gain confidence across many realms can help us when faced with challenges beyond our control. In my own life, I have sought to push myself through rucking and through learning new skills. We will fail sometimes, but failing occasionally is healthy. When I fail, I use positive self-talk to help bounce back and keep going until I have time to assess how to do better next time.
- Stop negative self-talk. Nothing can sabotage our goals faster than unhelpful self-talk. We believe what we tell ourselves and changing the inner narrative to something more positive can directly affect how we feel and perform. When under pressure I try to use little pep talks like: “I can do this” or “too easy, I got this.” If I’m too exhausted for positive talk, I lean into humor, sometimes even gallows humor.
- Practice helpful coping mechanisms. Coping skills can make or break a stressful time. I’ve seen fellow soldiers use unhelpful coping mechanisms, like heavy drinking, that only caused more problems than they solved. Don’t let coping mechanisms become the problem itself. At the top of my list is intense physical exertion or the calming effects of music. But if I have anxiety about something that hasn’t happened, I tend to aggressively problem solve. I’ll frequently ask myself: is this something within my sphere of influence to change? If the answer is yes, I start planning.
- Conduct effective planning and preparation. A solid plan can help identify what can be controlled, how to manage it and what cannot be controlled. Good planning is also a part of good preparation. Create clear, measurable, realistic goals and a timeframe to reassess progress. Adjust fire as needed, build upon successes and learn from failures. For anything significant, I always prefer to have, at minimum, a primary, alternate and emergency plan.
- Know when to ask for help. We all need help sometimes. Body and mind are equally important aspects of overall wellbeing and knowing when to seek help for either is a strength, not a weakness. Determine when help is needed and let the experts in their field provide guidance.
This list is not in any way a comprehensive or definitive list for building resilience – it simply reflects my experiences. However, you don’t have to be a Green Beret to practice resilience. Even small changes, made with intentionality, can radically shift how we feel, how we function and how we perform. My hope is that anyone reading this entry can feel like they have a basic starting point to begin building resilience and become a greater participant in their own wellbeing.
De Oppresso Liber,
Aaron